I selflessly concluded that in lieu of the brain crushing verisimilitude it would require for you to read and then feebly challenge the immaculacy that is my holy litany, I would graciously and without complaint, compile various press clippings concerning my Book, (with a capital B.) Also, that's my chest that they used for the cover art there. I further chose her title, and did my own wax job. You're welcome.
Stunning praise for my Book. (with a capital B) by the original Erin McCarthy
“One of the years ten…….best books. Complete.”
-People
“A fictional thriller……reading.”
-New York Times
“A totally convincing….page turner. Thumbs….at least.”
-Kirkus Reviews
“We are not interested in projects of this length. Please submit again.”
-The Antioch Review
“….good….”
-The Los Angeles Times
“……..This text will…. ….go…down….forever.”
-USA Today
“It’s really quite cute.”
-Erin’s Mom
“Utterly…….not too bad.”
-Washington Post Book World
‘Clearly likable...and for sale...”
-Time Out London
“BlackMoose42: It's not too funny. I think you can do better”
-Internet Boyfriend
“This piece....matches new …..with….nice”
-News Day
“I laughed. I cried. I would have said whatever it took to get my name and “opinion” published.”
-Marginally Relevant, and Needing a Check
“All your base are belong to us.”
-Noam Chomsky
“Page not found”
-Google.
“We realize we are the only legitimate publication that would even consider reviewing this book.” -The Onion
“Please stop spaming us, we’ll contact you.”
-Entertainment Weekly
‘The President does not have time to answer all of his email’s directly.” -President@WhiteHouse.gov
“No movie would ever be……this……good.”
-Time Magazine
“Evocative….brimming with truthieness…almost as good as if I had written it myself.”
-Steven Colbert
“A thorn in the side of…..the modern tale.”
-The Boston Globe
“Liberating. Thought provoking. Honest and hard hitting. I’d wager my career on it!” -Anonymous
“From page one…..[an] infectious…endeavor.”
-Chicago Sun-Times
“This article has not yet been written.”
-Wikipedia.com/
“More….better than….non-fiction”
-News Week
“A disgrace to the modern epic”
-High Times
Obviously, those coke heads down at High Times don't know snuff from snow. Nevertheless, I included their "review" to remind myself why I keep writing, why I stay humble, and why I don't subscribe to High Times.
Hard and Fast honestly looks like a gay porn. No homo.
ReplyDeleteAnd the praise for your Book is amazing! I couldn't stop laughing. Your use of ellipses amazes mine eyes.
Onoz, it's good thing you said no homo or someone might mistake your observation as fully gay. So gay it would be gay! (And I mean gay in a bad way..)Yeah, that kind of gay. Not gay as the hills gay, more like gay as in-- it's stupid that you want the same rights as the non-gays, gay.
ReplyDeleteIn short, wicked gay.
lulz, I think you're cool Orion. But you're going to need to work on asserting your hetroness in my blog comments without putting down the gays. Cuz I like gays, they are my equals.
Maybe I should start saying no hetro.
I promise that if I do, I will spell it right.
ReplyDeleteOh my word, I feel I'm in the presence of genius.
ReplyDeleteOrion is pretty damn special.
ReplyDelete:)
I am... confused. Very confused. I think it's the man-titties. They throw me off.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, Harley, it isn't the first time my disembodied torso has confounded a lady. Did you check out that wax job? Damn.
ReplyDelete