When white people aren’t working, they generally like to wear Outdoor Performance Clothes. The top suppliers of these garments and accessories include North Face,REI, Mountain Equipment Co-Op, Columbia Sportswear, and Patagonia.
The main reason why white people like these clothes is that it allows them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park. It could be 4:00 p.m. on a Saturday when they might get a call “hey man, you know what we need to do? Kayak then camping, right now. I’m on my way to get you, there is no time to change clothes.Full Article, HERE.
You never know when the call will come and as a white person, I accept that I need to be ready. But really, the only people who wear those brands in Europe are other Americans. (I won't pretend North Face and the like are dawned by just our white brethren.)
A quick litmus test: Is that loud English I hear? Oh, look--other Americans sporting Old Navy, Old Navy--Old Navy Performance Fleece.
You sang along in your head, didn't you?
It's a total trap because you try that stuff on in the store and you're goddamned ready for a safari. It's pricey and all, but I mean, SAFARI. You need a shirt with built in sunblock and bug repellent. Plus, what if there is an avalanche and your jacket doesn't have a GPS homing signal? Do you really want to be the only chump stuck in a snow drift?
The thing is, most of that quick dry, synth-fiber, goretex junk is wicked LOUD when you move. Sure it's breathable, flexible and light but you're basically a walking onomatopoeia: Swish, swish, swish...
All the unfriendly creatures of the forest come around to mock your feeble attempts at stealth mode.
Check out this song, the video is pretty good.
Whelp, gotta go--having some white friends from my hometown over tonight, better get some hummus.